Two Dudes, Two Answers: The Dinner Date

In the latest of the TDTAs series, Travis and Justin both offer another semi-insightful answer into another one of life’s pointless questions

It’s a simple premise, really, and thankfully doesn’t require much of an introduction. If you’d read the previous installment in this serious, regarding superpowers, then you already know how this goes.

We take one simple question, and offer our carefully chosen response.

This week’s question?

“If you could have dinner with any one person, alive or dead, who would it be?”

Travis: I cycled through a ton of choices for this question, and nothing really stood out to me. There were far too many questions to answer when considering. For example, would they know they were dead? Would they have to answer anything I asked? Would they pick up the tab? I kid, I kid.

When all was said and done, I settled on the following stipulations. It’ s one night only. One night with anyone whom I’d want to have dinner with, and strip away everything else.

It’s eight o’ clock at night and I’m in the heart of Brooklyn. It’s drizzling out, and a little chilly. A Cadillac pulls up and the back window slowly rolls down. A cloud of smoke pours out, and I hear a gruff voice say: “Cmon kid, whatchu waitin’ fo’?

Look at that thing. So big. So wide. That's a very special nose.

Look at that thing. So big. So wide. That’s a very special nose.

Next thing you know, I’m in the back seat with the greatest rapper of all time, Biggie. He’s rolling us a super fat blunt. I mean, it’s enormous. It’s the Michael Jordan of J’s, it’s the Julius Caesar of joints, it’s the Benjamin Franklin of fatty’s. We’re on our way to your typical New York diner, and all I want to do is pick Biggie’s brain.

What’s his best song that never got played? His best line that we never got to hear?

I’d tell him about the state of rap music, and all the trash that we hear on the radio these days. I’d praise him by letting him know that there are still people who cry every year on the day of his death. How he has shaped the way that we view rap music, and that his microscope is the one that critics look through.

Most of all, I’d thank him for the records he gave us, and eventually, the life he lost while doing what he loved.

Travis’ Dinner Date: Christopher Wallace, AKA Biggie, AKA Notorious B.I.G., AKA The Greatest Rapper of All-Time

Justin: I struggled, and struggled, and struggled and then struggled some more with this question. What a premise! What an idea! Any living person, alive or dead, anyone throughout all of history… It’s actually quite overwhelming.

I mused, contemplated, pondered, reflected, meditated, puzzled over and ruminated, over and over again… Who would be the perfect choice for me? What would make people say, “well, of course! That makes perfect sense!” At first, I entertained the idea of spending time with one of the most brilliant minds of all time: Leonardo Da Vinci. But, I don’t speak Italian. So, should I have dinner with… Jesus? No… Too mainstream… Maybe I should spend a night as the ultimate playboy, and treat the most beautiful woman I could think of to a classy, elegant dinner. No, not Christina Hendricks! The original in voluptuous beauty, the mysterious and tragic Marilyn Monroe.

But… something about it didn’t sit quite right. It just isn’t my style. I’m not the kind of person who would want to spend the greatest night of my life just witnessing or watching something idly. I’m interested in things, I love learning, I crave intriguing dialogue,  metaphysical ideas, theological disparity, and just plain ol’ bitching about shit that irritates me. Who else is like me?!

And just like that, I knew.

George Carlin.

This. This is the face of sheer, unadulterated brilliance.

Arguably the most influential comedian of all time, his timeless and tireless career spanned absolute decades, and you’d have to search long and wide for someone who hasn’t been touched by Carlin or his influence in one form or another. His venom-fueled diatribes and bile-laced castigation of everything from the English language and how ridiculous it is, to Religion en masse, to guys named Todd, to politicians, to  scabs, nothing and no one was safe from Carlin’s beratement. It’s these things I would ask about. Where did the influence for them come from. It’s these things we would talk and laugh about, one-upping one another as the joke gets worse and worse. But, I also want to know what sorts of things he had in store for us. What routines did we never hear? What would he think of current events? What would he say about the Church now, politicians saying Hurricane Sandy was God’s way of making people pay attention to the election? Christian Conservative Senators refusing to answer how old the Earth is? All these questions and more. Because as funny as he was, there was always more to him.

His anger, often the showcase of his appearances, constantly out-shined the pure brilliance of his routines and rantings. Indeed, he was capable of touching and sometimes penetrating insight to some of life’s most important questions, none of which you’ll find here, and which always played second fiddle to his sometimes grotesque mannerisms and anger-laden contemplations.

A man I’ll always respect monumentally and the greatest influence of my work… and that’s why I’d choose to have dinner with George Carlin!

Justin’s Dinner Date: George Carlin

One Response to “Two Dudes, Two Answers: The Dinner Date”
  1. Vivian says:

    Hey Guys, As usual really liked the article. Thought it was very interesting that you both picked dead people. I think I would pick Benjamin Franklin maybe. (Are dead people more interesting?) He was pretty smart and a little ahead of his time I think. I think it would be very interesting to see what he thinks of the world today; how disappointed or how impressed he would be. It’s a fun question to contemplate! But really toooo many choices. Good job, keep them coming!

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