Totally Biased Top 10: The Man Crush, Anniversary Results

The Results are in! How did the boys stack up? Travis and Justin find out

You’re almost there.

This was never going to be a sprint.

It was a marathon, from the beginning, and only the strong would make it through.

That’s right, boys and girls, we have arrived, at last, to the end. The light at the end of the tunnel. And, unfortunately for you, it’s a freight train about to hit you with a big ol’ bitch slap of truth!

As you may have noticed, coinciding with the Anniversary of our most popular series, we’ve managed to secure our very own domain name. It’s big news for us, as the branding is all but complete now, and lucky for you, it’s gotten a lot easier to find us. We’ve set up camp at, so spread the word!

The evil geniuses here are never content without letting our rabid, loyal fan-base have their say. We were expecting about ten or fifteen people to offer up their votes, and we’d have a small sample size telling us who really deserved to take the crown.

Instead, we were stunned to see the vote number climb over 25… Then over 30… A few days later we hit 40, and finally came in at an astounding 58 total votes! Holy shit! We honestly can’t thank you guys enough for your assistance in completing what’s been our be our biggest and most ambitious article yet.

This was all for you. You deserved it, and we couldn’t be happier to include all of you in this piece!

And if you haven’t done so already, go back and check out the actual Top 10 Lists!

Travis’ Top 10 Hollywood Man Crushes

Justin’s Top 10 Guys I’d Totally Go Gay For

The Results, Round I: The Masses Speak

There’s nothing quite like the excitement of looking up the name of a guy, and finding you recognize him. Not only that, but he’s fucking hot.

That’s a feeling almost 60 people got to experience, when we collected votes from all of our closest friends, their closest friends, all their family members, our family members… Anyone and everyone who would listen, we snaked into voting, and thankfully so, otherwise this may not have been as exciting to be a part of and get back to everyone.

To determine points derived from the calculated votes, we first had to determine how to have people vote. Since we were doing a bigger article than usual, we decided to not have people vote and list all 20 picks from 1 – 20, for several very important reasons, none of which I’ll actually list here, but suffice it to say that for simplicity’s sake, we settled on having people give us their own Top 5. From there, scoring got easy.

The #1 spot was awarded 5 points, #2 was awarded 4 points, etc. all the way down to the #5 spot, earning just 1 point.

When a list of votes was sent back to us, it was tallied and the total points were added, again and again, until we finally had 58 total votes by the time the voting had closed.

When you click the link below, you will find everyone’s voting results, protected by their initials. To find your own, hold down “CTRL” and then hit the “F” key. It should open a search bar, and you can enter your initials and find your results quickly.

Complete List of Votes

With all the votes tallied, what’s the score?

Travis: 427
Justin: 466

What does all this mean? That I thoroughly slaughtered Travis. Utterly. Unremittingly. Unrepentantly.

It wasn’t even close, to be honest. The entire time we had been tallying votes, we noticed JGL and Gyllenhaal were collecting a ton of votes, and had both been convinced Jakey would be taking the #1 spot, with JGL in a convincing follow-up spot. What we didn’t know, though, was there was a dark horse, coming from out of nowhere, and sealing a convincing, undisputed spot atop our consensus Top 5…

The Results, Round II: One List to Rule Them All

As was the case with the voting and scoring for the Second Edition of Man Crush, we aren’t content to let just the overall points tell the whole story. For this instance, however, we had to devise a new way to form the Master List and to create a consensus Top 5… And if you’ve ever spoken to me or know me at all, you know numbers scare me like spiders…

Luckily for me, though, it wasn’t too painful. All we did was first count the total number of votes each guy got. Then, after finding that number, we began ordering all 20 picks from last to first. In instances where some of the beaus got the same amount of votes, we devised a formula to help determine whose placements were actually better than the others. We added up all of their “placements,” and after finding that total number, we found the average placement for that contender. Confused? That’s ok. I’ll show you.

The first instance of a “tie” in total votes was our 18th and 19th spots, Paul Bettany and Chris Jericho, respectively. Each one of them had 4 votes, so we need more information to prove who performed better in their respective votes.

Bettany was in 4 voters’ columns, placing 4th, 3rd, 5th, and 4th. To simplify this, I’ll use only numbers, and say he scored a 4, a 3, a 5, and a 4.

Jericho was in 4 columns as well, scoring a 2, and three total 5s.

At this point, we add these placements up to find their “score.”

First, we find Bettany’s score: 4 + 3 + 5 + 4 = 16

Then Jericho’s: 2 + 5 + 5 + 5 = 17

The last step is to divide their score by their total number of votes to find their average vote.

Bettany: 16 divided by 4 gives him an average of 4.

Jericho: 17 divided by 4 gives him an average of 4.25.

Paul Bettany is then placed in the higher spot because his average vote was higher than Chris Jericho’s. You basically want a high number of votes, with a low total score. JGL and Somerhalder are the two best examples of this, with a higher number of total votes, but low scores which translate to a lower average vote because they placed in so many #1 and #2 spots. Make sense now? I’m so glad. If not? Then I pity you.

Now that you understand the method to our madness, let’s get to the actual results. The consensus Top 5 tells an interesting story.

The Top 5
1. Chris Evans, with 39 total votes
2. Jake Gyllenhaal, with 29 total votes
3. Joseph Gordon-Levitt, with 27 total votes
4. David Beckham, with 27 total votes
5. Paul Rudd, with 21 total votes

Travis: 5pts
Justin: 10pts

This is, apparently, what the average list looked like, according to the 50+ votes we received. As with the scoring for those votes, the top spot receives 5 points, second gets 4, etc. This means nothing else but another convincing, fitting win for me, overtaking Travis with 66% of the total points allocated! Chris Evans, my dark horse, out of NOWHERE swoops in and steals the coveted #1 spot in a complete landslide victory, with 10 more votes than the next closest competitor, Brokeback star Jakey, who narrowly stole a better spot over my initial trump card, JGL. From there, Beckham racked up enough votes to keep Rudd at bay, and secure a Top 5 list that I absolutely dominated! DAMN, does that feel good!

I don’t really even feel the need to say anything else here. I mean, I won. So, with that, I’ll just accept my glorious, undeniable and inevitable win with humility and grace. And, of course, a great big “FUCK YOU!” to Travis, cuz you suck and your list lost! HAHAHAHAHAHA!!! Your team won the Super Bowl [Editor’s Note: Super BOWLS. As in, we beat your twice. As in NYG > NE TWICE], but I won the Man Crush! HAHAHAHAHA!!! WHO GOTS EGG ON THEIR FACE NOW, BEOTCH?!?!?!

Although… I’m not sure that’s really a good thing… Considering, this means I’m better at picking out attractive men? According to our voters, anyway… And bearing in mind that I’m uh… a heterosexual male… Shit…

Anyway, for anyone curious, we did in fact devise a Full Top 20 list, based on voting results! You can find that link here, just below!

The Master List

[Editor’s Note: Before Justin gets bow-legged up there on his high horse. Anyone who has followed our series along knows that we’ve found it increasingly difficult to find an overall winner. In Man Crush Round 1, Adie was our sole judge, taking both of our top five choices and making an overall list of 10. Justin won 28-27, which is basically like saying, we are equal homo’s.

Man Crush Round 2 was more of the same. We had 7 female judges, plus the classiest cat in town, Justin Grover, take each of our top five selections, and again, rank them 1-10. Justin won, with 223-217. We then decided to make a ‘Master List’, giving each guy an average of where they finished on the 8 scoreboards. I edged Justin, by a score of 28-27. So again, still equally homo.

Man Crush Round 3, whether Justin wants to admit it or not, is more of the same. We had 20 guys total, and you all gave us your top 5. Justin, as you can see, won by a pretty large margin, 10-5. However, AGAIN, as you can look at the Master List, if we gave the 20th place finisher 1 point, 19th place 2 points, etc., I would win by a ridiculously close 106-104.

It is our GUARANTEE that with Man Crush Round 4 [Oh c’mon, you knew we weren’t done], we will get an absolute and total champion, regardless of the cost.]

Leave it to Travis to not just take a loss with dignity and pride… He came out swinging, but on THIS day, in THIS competition, in THIS, the GREATEST of Man Crush Articles, I am supreme! And I socked him and knocked his ass da FUCK OUT with a sturdy 1-2 punch. I am the best there is at picking hot-ass men! Case closed!

Wait… shit…


And so now, it’s with great dismay, regret, and perhaps even a little but of shame, that I bring us to the conclusion of the latest and greatest Man Crush article ever, and give out a very warm thanks to all of our voters, our fans, and the people who take the time to read through all of our nonsense! Without you guys, this wouldn’t have been possible.

No, really, though… What the fuck do women see in Johnny Depp?

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