Totally Biased Top 10: Athletes I Don’t Want My Kids Looking Up To (Nos. 10-6)

When every man is lucky enough to welcome his own son into this world, I suppose he immediately looks forward to many many things. Playing ball in the backyard, watching football on Sunday’s, with Junior sitting in a bib, with Daddy’s favorite logo plastered on the front, and of course, waiting to see what posters will be affixed to his wall when he’s old enough.

Below, I have highlighted the first five men, in a two part article, whos faces I will refuse to stare at in my household. They are dirty, awful, and downright disgusting men. In a world full of amazing and good hearted heroes, why would anyone want to follow in the footsteps of such swine?

10. Sean Avery

Back off my sloppy seconds, BRO!

I guess the real question here is what HASN’T Avery done. Coaches league wide have said that Avery “lacks respect for the game”, and that he is a disgrace to the National Hockey League. Known for making himself look like a complete douche, Avery has been suspended multiple times, and generally earns a lions share of penalty minutes with every passing game. His most famous incident occurred when he called out Dion Phaeuf for “taking his sloppy seconds” in reference to an ex-girlfriend. Have there been worse hockey players? Of course. But has there been better? Absolutely.

Instead, Look Up To…: Pavel Datsyuk. Besides being a 4 time winner of the Lady Byng Memorial Trophy, given out at the end of the season to the player best displaying skill and sportsmanship, he’s also a fantastic two way forward, and considered one of the best in the game. I could’ve put any name in all of hockey here, and they would’ve looked like a saint compared to Avery.

9. Tom Brady, QB, New England Patriots

I should only be so lucky to have my son in a ponytail…

I know what you’re thinking. Wait a second, is this writer on crack!? No, my good sir, I am not. Would you want your son looking up to a horrible dancer? A man who has children with multiple women, out of wedlock no doubt! A man who CRYS on television?! I don’t know about you guys, but this man will be no hero of Travis Jr. I mean sure, would I want my son to look up to the greatest of all time in his respective field? Why not. Then again this might turn my son into a cocky, arrogant, yet gorgeous son of a bitch. On second thought…

Instead, Look Up To…: Eli Manning. Followed in his fathers footsteps to Ole Miss. Married his college sweetheart. Superbowl Champion, Superbowl MVP. Perennial Leader. ‘Nuff said.

8. Chris Johnson, RB Tennessee Titans

My goodness where to start. First of all, I’d prefer my children work a little bit for their money. I mean sure, hitting the megabucks and sending ma and pops to our own private island would be nice, but very unlikely. CJ2K was douche enough to hold out a full year and a half before his contract even ran out. It’s not as if he was playing in his final season, and wanted some job security for next year, he just decided he was more important than the team. He also nicknamed himself “Every Coach’s Dream”. Yep, that about sums it up people. Every coach’s dream nightmare is having their best player hold out for more money while the others are busy busting their ass on the blocking sleds.

Instead Look Up To…: Adrian Peterson. He waited patiently for the Vikes to lock up Chad Greenway, before even requesting to work on his contract. He was rewarded with a contract worth over 90 million dollars. Oh, and not to mention, he also actually had a good year, unlike CJ2YPC.

7. Metta World Peace [AKA. Ron Artest], SF, Los Angeles Lakers

Don’t look directly into those eyes… The eyes of a killer

I’ll make this extremely easy to understand.

1. The famous Palace brawl, in which Artest went around decking fans left and right.
2. His name is Metta World Peace
3. When he won the NBA Title with the Lakers, the first person he thanked was his psychologist
4. His name is Metta World Peace

Not only is the artist formerly known as Ron Artest a crazy, fan beating psychopath, but he’s also not that good anymore. I need my spawn to look up to a true champion. A warrior. A battle hardened beast. Artest is none of these things. If Junior looked up to Artest, I would gladly throw myself off the roof of my house.

Instead, Look Up To…: Ray Allen. The soft-spoken, three ball launching animal. With an aim equivalent to that of a Navy Seal Sniper, Allen is one of the best players of our generation. There’s something to be said for a player whom seemingly hits big shot after big shot. Oh, and, yeah, he’s not crazy.

6. Kobe Bryant, SG, Los Angeles

Like Chris Johnson, Kobe assigned himself his nickname. In typical douche fashion.

One of, if not THEE single greatest players of the last ten years, Kobe has done it all. He’s a five time NBA Champion, an NBA MVP, 13 time All-Star, a four time ASG MVP, and a Gold Medal Champion, winning in the 2008 Olympics. The list goes on and on. Bryant’s best moments could fill the most prestigious of highlight reels. He scored 50 points four games in a row in the 06-07 season, he dropped 81 against the Toronto Raptors at the Staples Center in January of 2006, he also became the highest selling jersey in China. This of course, needs to be mentioned especially considering that Yao Ming was still in the league at this point.

Unfortunately, Kobe got mixed up with a Sexual Assault accusation while staying at a hotel in Colorado. Although his refuser to testify, and the case was settled out of court, it still deeply tarnished Bryant’s reputation. Many people think Bryant is far too arrogant for his own good, but that remains a point of debate. He is seated third and sixth for the all time scoring ranks in the post-season and regular season respectively. Although I don’t abhor Bryant like many others do, there are far better players to admire.

Instead, Look Up To…: Kevin Durant. One of the hottest and most electric players in the NBA today, he remains the poster child for  this generation. An NBA Title is all Durant needs to solidify his place as a mainstay in the league. When he signed a new lucrative contract with the Oklahoma City Thunder, he announced the deal via Twitter, in a downplayed fashion. Durant is the pinnacle for talent, sportsmanship, and just plain awesomeness.


Stay tuned for Nos. 5-1 coming later this week! In the comment section, let us here at Totally Biased who you wouldn’t let YOUR kids look up to!

7 Responses to “Totally Biased Top 10: Athletes I Don’t Want My Kids Looking Up To (Nos. 10-6)”
  1. Justin Yattaw says:

    I wouldn’t want my son to look up to Eli Manning. Why? Because I don’t want him admiring anyone who drools on themselves.

  2. mmreagan says:

    Kudos for including Kobe on your list. I totally agree. Yes, he’s an amazing ballplayer, but the Sexual Assault thing has forever left a bad taste in my mouth. He oozes arrogance from every pore.

    Nice job, looking forward to seeing 1-5.

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