Totally Biased Midseason NFL Awards: The Dubious Honors

Over the next 6 days, I will be revealing my NFL Midseason Awards.

Every year, after Week 8 of the NFL season, a roundtable of experts will discuss who they believe are the winners and losers at the halfway point of the year.

We here at Totally Biased figured, why not, we’re experts…right?

But before we can get to the good stuff, we must first celebrate the losers. Why? Because celebrating how bad someone is is much funnier, and it gives me another chance to slam Chad Ochocinco. That’s why!

Future Coordinator Award
Given to the head coach who has done relatively nothing for his team. Almost a guarantee, he will be holding the head coaches drawers next season in a new town. Hey, if he sucks bad enough, even THAT isn’t guaranteed!

Tony Sparano, HC, Miami Dolphins

People, this is what failure looks like.

Practically the easiest award to give out. Ever.

Other candidates included Jim Caldwell of the Indianapolis Colts, and Steve Spagnuolo of the St. Louis Rams, but Sparano really takes the cake. Caldwell gets a bit of an excuse, since the Peyton Manning situation is one completely out of his control. Spagnuolo is an ex-Giants coordinator, and someone who deserves more credit than even Tom Coughlin for our Superbowl, thus, being the biased man I am, I cannot give him such a dubious honor.

Sparano though, has just been downright horrendous, and has lead the Dolphins to a 0-7 record. He couldn’t even decide on a runningback until the season started, and even that didn’t last very long. Have there been injuries? Of course. Daniel Thomas was out for a bit, and they lost starting quarterback Chad Henne, but even so, Sparano has been awful. There was an article recently about how he heckled referee’s for a call to go his way, since he would be fired anyway. To make matters worse, he has put up his Miami home for sale. Probably the best move he has made all year.

Harry Houdini Award
And poof! Just like that, he was gone. The counterpart to the Breakout Player award, the Houdini is given out to the player who decided to completely disappear from the face of the Earth.

Chad Ochocinco, WR, New England Patriots

Ochocinco, you know, the guy everyone freaked out about when the Pats signed him. The guy that caused me to get so many “WTF!?” text messages when the news broke to ESPN. The guy who’s face now belongs on a milk carton rather than a football card.

Nine catches, 136 yards, 0 TD’s.

Ochocinco's best catch this year! What?! There wasn't much to choose from...

I know what you’re thinking. Pretty decent game, right? Well, if it was a Calvin Johnson game, you’d wonder where the touchdown is. But nope, those are Chad Ochocinco’s number through all seven games so far.

There are plenty of rumors as to why 85 hasn’t performed well this year, from the playbook being to advanced, and to the simple fact that he hasn’t really had to step it up this season. New England fans are hoping that when it’s time for him to be called upon, Chad will be there to prove all of us wrong. For now however, he’s just the most overhyped acquisition of the year.

Ryan Leaf Award
Pretty self explanatory here. This award goes to the offensive rookie who has been less than stellar thus far. 

Mark Ingram, RB, New Orleans Saints

Although Ingram hasn’t performed very badly, he really was the only choice. I felt that Jake Locker couldn’t really be considered because, well, he hasn’t even had a chance to get into a game at all.

Ingram however, has been active for every game thus far. He’s rattled off 329 yards on 89 attempts for a 3.9 YPC. Not terrible, but not exactly stellar. Ingram has yet to be called on to do much of anything, which might be a good thing. He will most likely only get about 200 carries, which will have him fresh for the offseason, and give him a great chance to figure out the intracacies of the game.

D’Brickashaw Ferguson Award
It’s safe to use Brick’s name here right? I mean, he had every chance in the world, and still, well, ya know, sucked. 

Marcell Dareus, DT, Buffalo Bills

Dareus, from the University of Alabama had plenty of hype coming into the year. While his team, the Buffalo Bills, have broken out of a decade long slump, Dareus hasn’t done much to contribute.

Dareus was a lot more feared at Bama, but his future is still promising.

Dareus has racked up 19 tackles, with 13 of them being solo. Dareus has only been able to get to the quarterback once this season, and only has 1 “stuff”. A stuff, for anyone who doesn’t know, is when the runningback is stopped in his tracks by a defensive tackle. Literally, stuffed.

To give a comparison, Ndamukong Suh has 23 tackles, 16 solo, 3 stuffs, and 3 sacks.

Least Valuable Player
Obviously there are plenty of players less valuable than this man, but this award is given to someone who was expected to not only lead his team, but sit atop the league wide leader boards as well.

Chris Johnson, RB, Tennessee Titans

Well, well, well. If it isn’t the 53.5 million dollar man himself. Worth every single penny people.

Johnson has been absolutely horrendous this season. Through eight games, Johnson has averaged a meager 2.8 YPC, with only 302 yards. We in the business call that, playing like shit.

Adie's reaction really said it all: "What the fuck is wrong with this guy's face?"

Johnson’s best game of the season came against Cleveland, where he ripped off 23 carries for 101 yards, his only contest this season where he eclipsed the century mark. He’s had five games this season with less than three yards a carry, and two of them he couldn’t even muster two yards per tote.

There is still time for CJ2K to save his season, but time is definitely running out. If Johnson isn’t able to get it going, it may be time to switch up his nickname. My vote is for CJ2YPC…

3 Responses to “Totally Biased Midseason NFL Awards: The Dubious Honors”
  1. San says:

    Our Defense sucks :(

  2. Deb Rand says:

    As always, pretty good article!

  3. What about Blaine Gabbert for the Ryan Leaf award?

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